I’m really not good at a lot of things. Cooking, telling time, giving driving directions, hanging pictures straight, and coloring to name a few. But I would put waiting at the top of that list. I need things to happen when I’m ready for them. Anticipation causes anxiety for me. I’m do-er. If I don’t do it now the likelihood of it happening is pretty small. When the control is taken from me for a task or project to be completed and all I have left to do is wait I literally feel my skin crawling. For some, waiting is act of obedience or welcomed lull in the action. For me, waiting is pure torture. If whatever I’m waiting for can’t come to fruition right now then I would rather spend my time working on something that has a more immediate gratification of completion.
If you’re wondering, my skin is crawling right now. The poker face is gone. I just threw a small basketball across my office as hard as I can out of frustration. I’m irritated and crabby. I feel the victim mentality of “woe is me” sliding in as a bitter root grows in my heart towards our state licensing process and the people associated with that process.
Give me about 11 minutes and I’ll be human again. After that I’ll tell you of a slight “aha” moment of clarity I had this morning. What if this narcissistic pouty diva can’t see everything going on behind the delays? What if the behind the scenes story unfolding right at this very moment is not about a stereotypical bureaucrat but one of the story found in Daniel 10? What if this timing is not about today but about a vision of what is to come?
So here’s my newest humble apology. If you’ve seen me in the last couple of days and I was on edge and short and gripey I got stuck on what I can see right in front of me. My prayers for this licensing process will be “heard the moment I humble myself to receive understanding.” (Daniel 10:12)
When we get a call from our licensing representative it will be a pleasant surprise. As The Flock let’s stick to what we know we know. Psalm 27 tells us when we are under pressure we are calm as a baby. “When all hell breaks loose, I’m collected and cool.” ( Psalm 27:4 MSG) When we see Him first all the other details fall into place when they need to.
He is faithful. He will not abandon us. He will not turn His back on these young mothers and their babies. A watched pot never boils anyway.